Random acts of kindness

A long long time ago when I had just graduated from college, I had gone for an interview at a manufacturing facility. It was a large complex and was over half an hour walk in from the main road to the building where my interview was taking place. As I was leaving after my interview a cab came by to drop someone off. I hailed it not wanting to walk back to the train station in the noon-day sun. On the way I got chatting to the cabbie and he was telling me about his kids and how it was them when they were just looking for jobs etc and empathizing with my job hunt. We arrived at the station and when I made to pay him he refused it on account of my jobless state wished me well and drove off. While I appreciate he would have driven back that way anyway to leave the complex, it was a nice gesture on his part and it made my day then and for some reason has stuck with me till now ... 10 years later.

Why Lego Why?

Growing up Lego was probably one of my favorite toys. I had one or two things that were "sets" but the rest was a jumble of bricks that I could build pretty much anything I felt like. I can't say whether it was educational or improved my creativity but it was a lot of fun as I remember spending a lot of time playing with them. Even as an adult in college I couldn't resist taking two courses which involved using the Lego Mindstorms sets - I felt like a child again! Looking in the stores I now see more and more "sets" and fewer free-form Lego. It seems as if the end result (the ship or vehicle or city) is the point of playing with them rather than the result. Even with the sets I recall there were several different things you could build and modify there wasn't just the one thing. Now they have separately packaged bits for each thing in a "scene". I suppose eventually kids owning them might go off the prescribed model or would they just make it the one time (or have an adult make it) and then just play with the finished things?
Another thing I loved about Lego as an adult was that it was the epitome of a gender neutral toy. There was no pink and blue packaging - the ads and pictures had both boys and girls playing with it. It didn't make a child conform to a stereotype. Sure there were more "male" figurines - but really a lot of them could have been of any gender they were all little blocky figures anyway. And then lo and behold a few year ago (?) a new line of Lego showed up - they called it "Friends", it had pink and purple packaging and pastel coloured bricks. Gone were the generic bodies of the figurines, the Friends had shaped bodies and makeup on their faces. Ok lets live with that maybe the friends will be exploring space or the artic, rescuing trapped mountaineers? Or how about saving lives in the city fire department or hospital? Nope the Friends have a hair salon, a mall, juice bar etc... The stereotyping extends all the way from the packaging to the figures to the makeup of the sets themselves.
While there seems to be some general outrage and controversy there has been support for the product as well - some say it tells girls that it is ok to play with Lego. But there is the problem, it was never not ok to play with whether you were a boy or a girl. Sadly the massive sales of the Friends indicates that most of us have conformed to what we should and shouldn't play with.

Impostor syndrome

Wiki defines impostor syndrome as a"psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved." Hmm sounds all too familiar...

Recently we have been struggling with trying to convince some of our highly intelligent and promising students that there were indeed brilliant. Their self doubt seems to make them convinced that they won't graduate or get good jobs when they do - all the while we are telling them that they will in fact graduate and trying to convince them to apply to good places. The common consensus was that as grad students we had all felt self doubt, so this was normal and we should only keep encouraging them.
A subsequent discussion among the "younger" post-docs and we voiced sentiments like "I don't know what I'm doing" "everyone else seems to know more" "I'm not sure why I was hired". So much for this being a grad student issue. Some general looking into each others contributions and skills ensued and we all felt a little better...maybe... A senior post-doc then joined us, someone who we think is very knowledgeable, skilled and has got it together. He had been applying for an award...he slumps down with a "I don't think I'm good enough"! - does this ever end?

Are you Indian?

Not a lot of things make me annoyed as much as being asked this question. Not a lot of things brings out the "rude me". Asking this question as a conversation opener is almost guaranteed to make me rude. It is also a source of great amusement to my friends. So why does this question have such an irrational effect on me...
Well to start with I look south Asian - so generally I don't mind an assumption from people who are not from the region, that I may belong to the largest country in the region. Statistically there is a good chance that I am from there. My problem stems from having to insist that I am not from there and still have people refuse to believe it. I am born Sri Lankan, and I cannot link any ancestry back to India (and I can trace back as far as 6 generations). I have also never been there so I have as much local knowledge as can be gained from TV/Internet.
First annoyance started when I moved to Singapore and was required to declare my race. Let's move on from the need to declare a race in this day and age - that is a discussion for another day. I was given the option of Malay, Chinese, Indian or Other. As far as I am concerned Indian is a nationality and not a race. I don't identify with it as my race (whatever that is). So I go for Other and put Sri Lankan as my race seeing as how the other options were nationalities too. I have trouble with officials accepting me as "other" when they see me in person. In fact I have had cases where my form as been "corrected" for me.
Throughout my travels or living and working in other countries, I've had several conversations which have opened with "Are you from India?"/"Are you Indian". When I answer in the negative, it is generally followed by "But you look Indian". So? Another classic "So do you speak Hindi?" - no! "Why not?" - why would I? It is not a language officially spoken in ANY of the countries I have lived in. "But you have a bhindhi/pottu/dot" ... Er yes, I am Hindu/Tamil - neither of which are exclusive to India. Just as much as wearing a headscarf is not exclusive to someone from Pakistan for example. Or being a white caucasian doesn't mean you are from Britain or must speak English.
Why does it make me rude? Often these questions are asked of me by random strangers who are from the region. I have tired of insisting. I am also tired of people from the region who seem to only want to have something to do with me if my answer to the question is yes. Am guilty of generalizing that everyone who asks that question is going to be the same... but having had the formula repeated countless times in countless locations I have grown wary. Next time maybe just talk to me about the weather!

Resurrection

A recent conversation with friends about their blogs reminded me about this blog, and I thought why not resurrect it. When I write things down here, I tend to write as I would speak almost. This helps a lot to avoid the kind of passive voice writing I tend to revert to in report writing or academic writing . Looking back at the posts, I started the blog about 10 years ago somewhere during my undergrad, (yikes how time passes) and last wrote something about 4 years ago.
I decided to remove some of the extremely random (and seemingly angst ridden) posts and leave in those that I may still identify with. A lot has changed since I stopped writing in it long ago - in both my personal and professional lives - and I hope that maybe some of my posts will be more mature (hah!), but a lot of it will continue to be in the same vein of being very random. Will I keep it going better this time? Who knows - only time will tell.

Preah Vihear

Starting off at 5am on the 30th of Dec 2009, our destination was the temple of Preah Vihear situated in the north of Cambodia near the border of Thailand. After two hours on a smooth highway we are at Anlong Veng which was the last stronghold of the Khmer Rouge and also the supposed final resting place of Pol Pot. 2 more hours along a dusty but smooth road and we are at the base of the Dângrêk Mountains. We chang over to an army pickup truck and go up along the streep road up to the temple, along an army guy jumps into our truck and seems to be our supplementary guide and escort for the rest of the journey.

Constructed mainly during the reigns of the Khmer kings Suriyavarman I and II dedicated to the Hindu god Shiva, Preah Vihear has been a sight of dispute between the Thais and Cambodians. In 1962 the Internation Court of Justice awarded the temple to the Cambodians. After the end of the Cambodian civil war in 1998, the temple was opened for tourists from the Thai side - from where it could be easily accessed via an expressway. Even after the construction of an access road up the cliff from the Cambodian side, there was still limited access by tourists from this side. Preah Vihear was designated as a UNESCO World Heritage site in July 2008, but fresh disputes broke out in October 2008 and April 2009. The access from Thailand was closed during this time, but is supposedly reopened now, though we didn't see anyone approach from that side. The visitors center with the Thai flag flying above it can be clearly seen.

After a 20 minute ascent, we arrive at the temple near the first Gopura. The staircase below leads to a market which was destroyed in April by Thai shelling. Most of the stones of this gopura have fallen off but some are precariously balanced. Walking up along the stone path we pass through the other 3 gopuras which contain carvings from Hindu mythologies. At the topmost gopura we are greeted by the sounds of music being played by the soldiers there, apparently to call the gods to the temple. Inside we receive blessings from some Buddhist monks there.

Beyond the topmost gopura, we come to the tip of the cliff from which there is a breathtaking view of Cambodia and to the north Thailand. Below the rocky outcrop is a small space in which we were told the civilians around could hide if fighting broke out again. Coming back down we are shown the wells like area which have now dried up due to deforestation in the area. The Cambodian army also proudly point out their artillery and anti-aircraft weapons on our way down while our guide gives us a history and politics lesson. On our way down we see a few Thai soldiers who are still stationed in a small monestary along the road (though it is on the Cambodian side).

Four hours later we are back in Siem Reap. The journey was not as ardous or treacherous as the guide books make it out to be, and neither is it as expensive as some tour companies in Siem Reap make it, if you privately arrange for a guide and transport. Though most of the mines around the temple have been cleared, the area around it is still not so it is a good idea to stick to the worn paths and follow your guide. The experience and the sights were well worth the trip. Once the road between Anlong Veng and the temple is completed the journey should be much smoother and the Cambodians expect more tourists to come. Right now not many make the jouney as we saw only about 2 or 3 other groups while we were there and a few locals.

Personality Issues

I suppose that when a person is hired into a regular job their personality which comes across in an interview would be considered, for example how they would fit into a team and so on?
What if you were deciding on a person who would take charge of a piece of equipment (with no benefit to them except maybe the experience :|) and you have two candidates one who is very technically sound but severely lacks people skills and is known to cut corners when doing procedures. And another who is technically weaker (due to lack of experience) but can work well with other people and follows procedures correctly. Bearing in mind that the person would have to teach other new people coming into the lab and deal with technical issues that crop up. I am inclined to pick the less later person as his technical weak points could be improved with more experience and training but personality issues are not so easily overcome.

In another scenario where a person wishes to use a piece of sensitive equipment without supervision; They do a demonstration to the person in charge without any flaws in their technical skills, however they display impatience and not caring too much about following certain checks which ensure the machine continues to work properly. During the demonstration all the proper procedures are followed but here and there certain impatience is displays which makes the person in charge wonder if they would skip things if left alone. Would it be prejudicial or wrong to not allow that person to use it without supervision based on these "feelings"? In this case the persons work may be affected as they now have to wait for the person in charge to also be available.

The people who influence us

To a large extent we are shaped by our environment. Specifically people. In our early lives its our parents. Much more than character, and opinions are influenced. Parents also encourage or discourage certain behavior or inclinations that we have according to what they feel is right as well. Often people find on hind sight that even our career choices have been influenced to a large extent by our parents, either by encouraging us to study along a certain field that they like or feel is suitable for us, or by our own actions of rebellion against these encouragements. Encouragement/discouragement also enters into the child's development through other elders and teachers whose opinions we are taught to value.
As we grow older, these authority figures become less of an influence as we tend to form our own opinions and not take what is told as face value. But our opinions are still not entirely our own. It is still linked to the people we hang around. Living away from your parents mean you grow closer ties with friends as a support system and their opinions begin to matter. Having conversations with friends and colleagues lead you to broaden your perspective and you tend to assimilate some of the general opinions. Those who are more stubborn or strong willed tend to hold on to their preformed notions while those more weaker willed will tend to sway with a group opinion.
These are common people who influence everyone. But take a specific example of grad students and you find that a lot of them are influenced by their supervisors. More than in a common work environment where there is a chain of control, and people come and go, get promoted, work in different groups and so on; a grad student has a close relationship with their primary supervisor for 4 - 5 years in general and as this is generally their starting point of their professional life a lot of cues are picked up from the supervisor. From very basic things like presentation/writing styles to more character issues like how forceful, perfection oriented, organized etc. In some cases where there is a chance to evaluate and choose supervisors/students its likely that people of similar character choose to work together, however even when thrown together randomly, by the time of graduation a lot of the supervisors characteristics are mirrored in the students. I cannot say if my initial assumption that this is not so common in workplaces is true or not though.

Genetics Abortion Ethics

Congenital conditions can be scary - some develop only after adulthood (or methods of detection were only developed in later years), at this juncture you might have children and passed on these illnesses to them. If on the other hand you find out about them before you have children what are the options you have. Based on the condition you could have a 0 - 100% chance depending on whether it is recessive/dominant and your partner's genetics. Assuming of course that you want to have children (otherwise the discussion becomes moot), what are the choices you have. If the chances are especially high of passing on the condition there is always adopting children. Assuming then that you want to have biological children there seems to be two choices.
First there is preimplantation genetic diagnosis which requires the use of IVF. This means the testing is done before implantation but at the embryo stage (I believe after the third division). Of course this means taking the IVF route which is a costly procedure and becomes a longer route if the couple has no other problems concieving. Only certain diseases can be tested for and it assumes that one cell is representive off all - leading to more false positives/negatives. Not all countries provide this due to ethical concerns
Prenatal diagnosis is the other option which can be non-invasive for certain conditions or more invasive procedures like aminocentesis. Invasive procedures carry their own risks to the fetus.
Both these procedures come close to eugenic like selections - hence the reason for most ethical arguments against them. Although as a parent who is likely to pass on congential conditions to their children perhaps it would not seem this way as they are not using these procedures to select sex or traits.
The tricky part is if there is a positive result to these tests. In the preimplantation diagnosis it would be an easier proces to discard the embryo (as not all embryos generated for IVF are used anyway regardless of screening). In the other case it comes down to whether the parent wished to carry the child to term or abort the pregnancy. Some conditions would cause death or severe disability almost from the time of birth hence it seems ok to abort the pregnancy. Fetal corrective procedures are rare so this seems the choice that comes with prenatal screening. There is also the case of less sever cases where the child maybe able to live a semi normal - normal life with assistance - so are you taking away this right. The parents physical/mental/ financial ability to cope with such children I think needs to be taken into consideration. Of course if abortion is illegal in a certain country these tests can lead to no useful results except perhaps better prepareredness before the birth of the child. What about the extreame case of diseases which are late developing - i.e. person can lead a normal life until their 50s or 60s where the congenital condition starts giving problems. Does a parent abort or carry the child to term. The person might never develop problems (or they might), they might die earlier of unrelated incidents, a cure maybe developed in their lifetime. Is there some good to try to stop the continuation of passing on these genes which seemingly have a negative impact on the human being's health. Or is this a mild form of eugenics too.

Enjoy every moment of it

When we very young we look up at our seniors and want to grow up sooner. In college we can't wait to get out there and start working and earning. Always waiting to grow, and get out there from our protective cocoons. I am in a stage where I should be out but have formed another cocoon to keep me where I am and all I can say to those wanting to grow up is - wait, stop, enjoy the moment you are in school and college. We seem to have a delusion that stepping out on our own gives us freedom but those carefree days are the more free than what you get living on your own and tending to your own needs.
A friend of mine who came to visit me at the lab said when she saw all the undergrads walking around she wanted to go up to them, shake them and say "enjoy every moment of this!"
Perhaps not everyone feels this way though, perhaps its just those of us who have to grow up but don't want who keep clutching at the past memories.

Order and Chaos

My little menagerie sit guarding over my desk. Its a little cluttered they think; I agree. Its mostly chaos, perhaps something resembling the aftermath of a mini tornado or hurricane. But there is order in this chaos. I can reach out and grab whatever I need and I mostly know where everything is. Try as I might tidiness is not something that comes easily to me. I attempt to put everything into neat piles every so often but its back to the usual mess the very next day.
I have another desk, free of my personalization and a little abandoned. That earns me the title of being "quite a neat person" from my boss. Everyone else disagrees; they have seen my first desk.

Time

Time feels like its slowly slipping away. There are so many things still left undone. Will it be too late to them? Is there something else that will need to be done when I finish what I am doing now such that I can't do what I have planned? Whether it is the surroundings (of being in a university and not the "real world") or just my perception of things, I don't feel old. Things like family, responsibilities seem like an abstract concept. However things are rapidly changing around me. People graduate and leave, people talk about what to after graduate, people get married, have kids even - are they all grown up even though they are my age? Two more years seems like such a long time but then again it seems like only yesterday that I started and that was more than two years ago too, so would I be graduating tomorrow. I look forward to it in some sense of getting it all over and done with, moving on with life, to have some accomplishment, maybe even a better pay! But then again I don't seem to have much to graduate with, and the question what next that I haven't even figured out an answer to. Perhaps its just the feeling that while I am standing still, everyone I have know seem to be moving around rapidly - it is dizzying in a sense.

So what do you do?

I am really starting to fear this questions from acquaintances. Generally you meet or get in touch with someone after a long time or are introduced to someone new and the topic inevitably turns to what you do. While its relatively easy to answer those also in research (who generally don't pursue after the generic questions) it gets difficult to answer those who are not.

This is usually how such a conversation with me would progress...
Person - "So what do you do?"
Me - *thinks oh no* "Umm research..."
Person -" oh "- *pause* - "so you are studying?"
Me - "well both study and work actually"
Person - "oh - what do you do for your work?"
Me - "Umm research..."
Person - "Oh on what area?"
Me - *tries the simple approach but with two possible responses - neither works!* - a) "electrical engineering etc" b) " magnetics etc"
Person in response to b) - " But you are in electrical department?" *description of research has to follow*
Person in response to either - "oh that sounds interesting. What is your research/thesis topic?"
Me - *interesting - really?? - oh no* "long name on thesis topic with unitelligible sounding words"
Person who got response a) at this juncture - "That doesn't sound like electrical engineering"
At this point I would really wish the person was no longer interested but some still persist.
Person - *blank look* "ok ... what do you do for it - can you explain some of it?"
Me - *Must I? I don't understand half of it* - "ummm .... let me see.... " * proceeds to some sort of description of work*
Person - "That sounds interesting" *changes topic*
Me - *sigh - now couldn't we have stopped at the first "interesting"?*

I know its nice to have people interested in what you do...but in this situation it does put me in an awkward position of not being able to state a profession and be instantly understood on what it is I do.

That stupid feeling...

I've never felt more stupid than these days after I started doing my PhD. Some one asks questions about my work and I don't know the answer or I have all this data that just don't make sense and I don't know why. When something goes wrong most of the time I don't know why - I even don't know when it goes right!
Well I'm glad to know I'm not alone and this feeling of stupidity is not necessary a bad thing. Came across this article recently The importance of stupidity in scientific research from here. The last paragraph puts things in perspective:

"Productive stupidity means being ignorant by choice. Focusing on important questions puts us in the awkward position of being ignorant. One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time. No doubt, this can be difficult for students who are accustomed to getting the answers right. No doubt, reasonable levels of confidence and emotional resilience help, but I think scientific education might do more to ease what is a very big transition: from learning what other people once discovered to making your own discoveries. The more comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big discoveries."

In Memoriam

Writer Arthur C Clarke dies at 90
I'm dedicating this post to one of the greatest science fiction authors of all time and brilliant visionary. He not only wrote some great books he also conceptualized geostationary satellites and predicted space travel. His books bring the wonders of futuristic space travel, communications and other technology to the common man. It is incredible to think that we have now realized some of these things that he wrote about as science "fiction".
On a personal note there is some pride in that he chose to live in Sri Lanka my home country. Sadly I had never personally met him but I know many others including my father who have played table tennis with him. As for his books they were among the first books I graduated to after leaving behind the "enid blytons" and they were the ones who first inspired my love for science fiction and even science as subject. They shall always remain among my favourite.

As he said on his 90th birthday ""I want to be remembered most as a writer. I want to entertain readers and hopefully stretch their imaginations as well. "If I have given you delight in all that I have done, let me lie quiet in that night, which shall be yours anon." ; He has most definetely accomplished that.

A bit of my own medicine

Had a chance to TA for a class when my sup was out of town, and while most of the others do TA regularly this was a first for me. I had an insight (?) into being on the other side of that table in the tutorial room.

First off one of the tutorials was at 9am; from my own habits I knew this wasn't going to be a full class nevertheless I waited till 9.20 before starting and and still had some one waltz in at 9.50!? Same thing happened for the afternoon class. I should have know such a person didn't care much for the tutorial but yet I decided to ask them the answer to one of the questions - and surprise - they didn't do it.

All this didn't bother me until at one of the questions a student worked out the solution on the board and one of the steps was y = 1/x^n, dy/dx = -n/x^n+1. After it was completed some of the students looked a little confused and when asked what the problem was they asked me how the differential came about! Granted this wasn't a maths class but it was a class of engineers!! and its one of the more simpler differentials. Oh well I guess I shouldn't have been surprised later when some couldn't identify that 2 sets of equations with 2 unknowns could be solved simultaneously.
On a positive note there were some gems in the class too who enthusiastically (or at least it seemed compared to the rest) answered the questions and asked some good questions back.

I found myself wondering at the end of it all were me and my friends/classmates like this too? Thinking back in all honesty I'd have to say yes - we did skip classes or walk in late and asked some pretty obvious questions from our tutors. Now I need not imagine how frustrated they must have felt - but if you did this all the time semester after semester do you become slowly unsensitized I wonder.

End of another year

I haven't updated this since July I see, and another movie post is just not right so lets at least have a few words before the year ends.

So this yeah has been pretty eventful for me personally. Started it off in a whole bunch of confusion as to what I wanted to do, and by action or inaction I made a decision and stuck with it. Was it wise? - only time will tell I think but so far I don't regret it.
Was able to go to a conference and present as well. Now that was exciting! There was some sense of accomplishment in doing that. Conferences are a good experience but they are far easier to get accepted for so, New year resolutions - get some papers published.
Completed all my modules this year too which means hopefully no more written exams! - dare I say forever?

One thing is I wish for a nice long rest after all this is over, but that is still a long way to go. Our perception of time seems to vary with how we want things to be, and seems to flow contrary to how we want it to go. If you have had a long tiring day and and you want to go home the hours just stop moving, but if you want more hours to finish something under a deadline everything just zooms by (or at least thats how it seems). Life however always seems to be moving faster and faster. Though it feels to me like just yesterday that I came here, I realize it has really been a very long time. I don't even know who the first and second years are and when introduced they always look at you like they are looking at some ancient tree with some sort of reverence. I don't feel like an old tree yet!

The perception of your age is also very confusing. Working in the lab although stressful and all that, you never feel live you've left school and entered the real working world that you still tend to act and talk like you were an undergraduate. We aren't exactly irresponsible or something but there seems to less real world worries plaguing us. When I compare that to some of my high school friends who are married have kids, buying homes ... it seems like these tasks are so far away from us and the worries they may have still elude us.

Re-reading this bit not a lot of it makes sense to me but I'll leave it as it as a reflection of this blog's title finishing the year on a random note.

Sinking to someones level or rising above it?

There might be certain things that you wouldn't do because you consider them wrong or unacceptable to you - they might not be wrong in the sense of "rules and law" and some of it might even be encouraged, but its still wrong in you book. However you sometimes find yourself on the receiving end of such behaviour and feel wronged or angry and have the power to give the person back some of their own medicine. - Do you stop yourself? After all there might be a lot to gain - you might be seen as standing up for yourself, or be able to erase / create impressions different from those created by others actions towards you. But to get there means having to stoop to the level of behaviour you yourself detest - is that realy worth it? The whole thing of rising above a situation sometimes feels highly overrated! - oh conflicts - how I wish things were much simpler sometimes.

Words

Words can be powerful things - so we've heard time and time again. Very obviously we use our speech and writing to communicate our ideas, feelings, thoughts to others but its much more than that. What we say can leave a person feeling happy, hurt, angry or sad; and sometimes we don't even realize the impact our words have had on another. In certain instances we do indeed say things to comfort someone or if feeling particularly nasty to hurt someone or instigate an argument, but quite often we say something and happily walk often not realizing we may have made someones day or realy dampened their spirits. Sometimes its just the case of not thinking before speaking but at other times it might just be that the other person analysed your words much more than you had given thought to. We can only try to our limit of communication and giving thought to our words to avoid misunderstandings but they are inevitable at some point.
People who have a good command of language seem to do better over others - if you take debate or argument between two people where the command of language is clearly not equal between the two, you will notice than even without many relavant points the person with a better command can convince the other or other people that his point is correct just by communicating his few ideas better or by using more convincing statements and words. In most languages (at least the ones I know) there are many words which can mean the same thing but some carry the meaning across more strongly or leave a more lasting impression (for example if you say someone is uniformed or something - using uniformed or naive would be a nicer way of saying it rather than calling them dense.) If you do get down to accurate vocubulary yes there are differences in the way words that mean the same things are defined but we do tend to use them more depending on the impression we want to create. This vocab also comes in handy when people want to "sugar coat" or say nothing at all. When someone is avoiding an issue they sometimes say a lot of things but if you strip it down you realize they have said nothing at all or made no comitments!
** would it be ironic that my playlist happened to come upon "Words" when I was writing this?

Why do we work/study etc?

Find myself and others around me asking this question over and over. Its a variation of the whats the point of existence question I suppose. Try to answer it and there are obstracles. If you say for money - then it become why do you need it? - sustinence, family, enjoyment,future etc... But at what point do you draw the line between the need for money and the time to enjoy the fruits of your labour so to speak. Is there a point of providing for the family but not realy being a part of that family as you are never realy present in the household? Is it too soon to be asking these questions? i.e. when we don't have families etc. should we just work so that we may work less later - but what about your loved ones now are they not as important as when you have a family? And can you slow down or stop later if you become a workaholic now?

Another answer might be - it is expected of us...we are expected to study to a certain level and get a "good" job etc - especially in our societies its about studying to college and getting a professional type of job. Then individually too there are expectations from your parents etc to make something of yourself/ help out siblings other family members/ other comitments - we do things to fulfil these expectations - but do they always make you happy. Even if you think you are doing something you wanted to, is it realy what you wanted to do or something that was sort of drummed into your head till you though that was what you wanted. Think about it a lot of people at A/L college level say they want to be doctors and engineers and such - do they all realy want to do that or they have been conditioned to think they do. There is also the expectation to do something because you are good at it. You might be an allrounder type who wants to try something else (possibly diverging from your "set" path) but you are realy good at what you have been doing so you are expected to go further along that path than diverge.

Then there is the answer that you enjoy or want to do what it is that you are doing/plan to do. Do you put everything into your work/study because you love it ignoring all around? (and because may have to to do it well). Is it possible to suddenly not like it? (I'd say so when I see people question what they are doing when a year or few months before they were saying the reverse.) What if you are doing what you love but it clashes with the other answers (ie it doesn't realy bring in much money or isn't what was expected of you). What do you do when you start questioning what you want...do you quit and change? - What about the time spent - would it be considered wasted or just a phase you went through, a part of your experiences.

So following which path would make it least likely for you to look back someday and say "what if?". I guess it realy does depend on individual perceptions but perceptions can change and what you think is important now probably wont be what you think is important later causing the what ifs to come. I guess everyone whatever path they chose finds themselves asking these questions (unless they have no expectations to live up to, had a trust fund and were able to do something they loved.) I find a lot of young people asking what is the point very early on in their a and its a bit disconcerting - did our parents and older generations have these questions too?